yay finally got an A for communications =)
This was a good RJ. You’ve managed to put your ideas across clearly, and give specific examples to back them up. Well done!
I noticed that you continued to participate in the class discussion this week. Well done!
You also performed well during your team’s presentation, where you were able to explain some rather complicated ideas. This is a massive improvement over how you did in week 1. Did you realise how much you’ve improved?
For a big personal improvement, you’ve earned an A! Congratulations!
ahahaha.. so happy =) and also finally its the holidays =) yay... =)
Today our maths facci brought us to the 10th floor for lunch... wa.. the atmosphere got spoiled by all of us lol.. hahaz but I think that thats good cuz if it is too quiet then also not very fun right..? LOL.. today when I was on my way home right, at the yt mrt station there got one monk approach me and say that I my forehead very black, very unlucky if not careful will die or get injured... -.- ... dot dot dot..
I really really need to buy a new earpiece le.. hahaha dat time I went to browse through some and then did not buy any, but now no choice have to buy le cuz my earpiece spoil already =(.. sian sian.. use for 1 year like that only spoilt liao... =.= .....
SCIENCE UT IS TOO DIFFICULT TO BE COMPRHEND!
..... when I look at the qns I was like.. die liao *.* ... =( sian =(
I was like packing through my things yesterday when I found a old sudoku book lol.. haha inside it I write alot of things (not numbers only).. and draw lots of rubbish.. ahahaha... bittersweet memories.. =S.. I wonder why I dun have a habit of keeping a diary.. ahahaha.. I tried keeping a diary before.. but then a few weeks later I stop writing inside it le.. maybe I should try again.. If i have a diary.. I think it will be chocked full of pictures, drawings and inspirational writings lol... maybe I'll give it a try...
if I keep a diary I will probably not update my blog so frequently le.. maybe I may even stop posting and just leave my blog to rot.. hahaha.......
lol I am trying out my laptop's bluetooth 蓝牙 nice it worked... =) see.. these are some of the pictures I drew.. =)
grace felt a little blue at 8:25 PM,-*Friday, May 29, 2009*-
sian sian.. I have been too lazy to update my songs.. hahaha.. today is enterprise, initially I dread it.. but then it turned out to be quite enjoyable too.. lol..
anyway, the harvest moon game I have been waiting for is finally going to reach the U.S.. at first I tot they will not release it.. but they did.. haha...
only 12 days more to my 18th bdae.. but I feel dat nobody cares about it.. sian sian....-_-" lalala~ been so sian... ahhahaha.. anyway.. yesterday I rubbed my injured ankle, and then it is like swell up... ==... lol it hurts..=( ... I feel like super random.. haha nothing to write der... sian I wonder if it will rain tonight.. will tomorrow science be on biology? I WANT BIO..! so far only ONE bio science lesson.. ><..
I have been playing pokemon platnium recently.. hahaha I chose the fire pokemon as my starter pokemon and now it is already lvl 40+ hahaha... super pokemon training.. +.+ but my other pokemon only like lvl 20+ hahaha biasness, I only wanna train my starter pokemon... lalala~ bored bored bored.. sian sian sian.. I kind of feel that my blog is not mine anymore... I feel that it is someone elses.. I feel a bit distant when posting... maybe I create a new blog? or maybe I put a password on this blog? or maybe I write a diary?... nah... this blog is fine... for now.. grace felt a little blue at 6:18 PM,
-*Wednesday, May 27, 2009*-
oh man.. it is so sianz today..
When I climbing the stairs down this morning, I did not watch where I was going and then I trip and slightly sprained my ankle.. now, it still hurts a little but mostly, I can feel that my ankle there is like sightly numb.. -0.0- and then in the mrt right, when the mrt stopping, because it stop rather suddenly,
- Lady pushes me, I fall
- Lady falls on my injured leg
- :'(
Am I just plain unlucky or this is retribution?.. I hope that it isnt the latter, if not...*glup*
I really dun wish to say anything else about the argument anymore, cuz I am a person who is not good with words, so I am afraid that I might aggravate the situation.. so yeah best is to talk and think of other things..
Maths UT tmr... =X DIE.. sianz sianz sianz...... maths is a subject that I..=.=" at it... well by hook or by crook I got to take the UT.. so wish me luck.. =) grace felt a little blue at 7:15 PM,
-*Monday, May 25, 2009*-
Finally completed my studying for the cognitive..! If i knew I will finish so early, then I wish that I woke up at 5 instead of 4.18am.. so tired, and sianz, and irritated (cuz headache).. god.. I still have to read the pre-class reading =(((((... forget it, no use lamenting about it anymore.. yesterday night I already sort of slack already so today gotta work harder to get back the knowleadge that I have lost due to my lack of studying yesterday..
*yawn*
So tired... I wanna fall asleep anytime le.. but still, I am not allowed to sleep due I finish reading the 7 LONG articles in the pre-class reading -.-".. lol maybe later in class fall asleep *.* Isnt that like WORSE?! hahaz nvm time to get back to reading.. grace felt a little blue at 5:07 AM,
-*Wednesday, May 20, 2009*-
happy times........
hahaha i never knew the power of telling people abt my problems is so powerful..
I dun know that the most important thing is to be myself.. ever since I have been acting myself, I felt much happier... and my classmates also accepted me for who I am.. hahaz so glad that I do not have to keep on pretending to be somebody who is foreign to me..
tmr got UT.. die... I got no motivation to study........ HOW?! @.@... =S and still got the pre-class reading to read......... WHY... lol the truth is instead of complaining, I should use this time to revise or get some sleep to wake up super early tmr morning to study.... I think I shd wake up early instead of burning midnight oil cuz the brain will absorb more information this way...
U.T = Understanding Tests
D.U.T = Don't Understand Tests '-' grace felt a little blue at 9:41 PM,
-*Tuesday, May 19, 2009*-
miss the days in Kranji for some reasons.... grace felt a little blue at 5:09 PM,
-*Sunday, May 17, 2009*-
... whats wrong with me... sometimes I can no longer think clearly... sometimes I feel as if my existence in this world is just meaningless... sometimes I just feel like dying..
just now, when I looked out of the window, I felt like jumping down and ending everything... sometimes I thought of using a knife to stab myself.. sometimes I just wish that somebody will listen to me... sometimes I wish that I do not need to put on a smiley face mask to school and let everybody think that I am happy... sometimes I dun even know what I am doing here.. sometimes I just.....
I hate it.. why do I have to pretend to be strong.. why cant I just find a person to relate my story to... why cant I let people know that sometimes I do feel weak, I do feel vulnerable too, I too need a shoulder to cry on..
Sometimes I feel so envious.. so jealous of people with a happy family, but then later I tell myself that next time.. they too will be unhappy.. I feel so guilty for thinking such bad thoughts.. I should be happy for them.. for people who are truly happy.. for people who have people that cares about them..
...perhaps I am just better off not existing in this world.. grace felt a little blue at 11:53 AM,
=( :( )= ): =X X.X =/ T-T +.+ >_< :'( *_* >< =S =X
<-------------------------------------------------------------------
Haiz.. I thought that I can start a fresh beginning.. I thought that perhaps I can just mix in with the others, as one big happy family.. but no matter how I tried, I still feel like a outcast... I know that my classmates genuinely wants me to be friends with them... to accept them... but still.. I dun know why but I feel so distant.. I feel as if I will never be part of their family.. I.. =(
Sometimes.. even when surrounded by friends, I still feel so unwanted.. I feel as if they are just being nice.. as if they just dun want to reject me.. I tried to convince myself many many times that they are not this kind of people but still.. I get this feeling so very often..
I feel so fake.. as if, just to mix in with the crowd, I am not being myself.. I dun even recognise myself anymore... I dun understand what I am doing, and why am I doing this... I hate this life.. I hate myself for being so weak.. for being able to lose myself just for others...
You know, sometimes, I still place a protective barrier around myself.. I just feel so unsecure.. sometimes I just wanna run away to a place where nobody knows me.. where I can just be alone..
I know it will be harsh, but I will do whatever it takes to get myself back... even if it means being alone once again... I know that I will be happier this way.. I dun wanna be like a king's jester, doing whatever it takes just to please the king.. I wanna be somebody who I can proudly say that I did not let myself down, somebody who I know will always be me..
On monday, it is the start of a new week, changing teams again, it sucks.. =( but perhaps I will get a team which has great people like Lijing and Samuel... but the chances are low.. cuz they were in my cognitive group already...
I wonder what must I do to be truly happy again..
------------------------------------------------------------------->
=( :( )= ): =X X.X =/ T-T +.+ >_< :'( *_* >< =S =X
-*Saturday, May 16, 2009*-
... its just so sick... for math.. I was really hoping that I will neither get Hui Min nor Ryman but.. but my team got Ryman........... =(... okay.. at first I was like not mean to him der... cuz at first he proposed using ratio to solve the problem and so I asked him to try it out.. but then he though that I was critizing him or something like that and then he like 不爽 like that.. so I was like thinking.. Hey I wanna give you a chance to work and contribute to the team.. but then he is unwilling to... dotz.. I know it will be difficult to change him... and also he smokes... its so sick okay.. he smoke already then come back class and because I am sitting near him so I can smell the cigarette smell.. I breathe till my head hurts so very much... dotz... I really dislike smokers... ALOT... smoking is such a inconsiderate thing to do.. not only does it harm yourself, but it harms others too ( second hand and third hand smoke )... =/ but still I will not give up... although I dislike his character, I will try to change him to be a more likeable person... note I said TRY okay... so yah dun expect too much...
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I wanna watch movie with my classmates tmr..! I dun wanna go nxt week cuz I am going fishing...yay fishing...! hahaz but yah lets watch movie tgt!.... grace felt a little blue at 6:18 PM,
-*Friday, May 15, 2009*-
yesterday, we had the UT dry run... I was really terrible in it, neither could I finish all the questions, nor do I know how to do many of the questions... it was just pathetic... next week is the start of the UT, I relly hope that I can do better during the actual UT...
Tomorrow, for maths we will be changing teams... and yah, for all the subjects, the teams will be changed.. I hope that for my maths team, I can still have wither Terence or Bi Ke in my team cuz they are really good at maths..!
I wonder who will be my new teammates, will most of them be people who I have worked with before or not?.. If it is people who I have never grouped with before, then what are they like?
In a team, I feel that the most important thing is to have a balance of seriousness and fun.. I feel that my class are really kind of relax.. which makes me feel that I dun belong there.. but still my class people are good people...
Sianz, i wanna go to the science centre... but nobody wanna go with me T-T.. I only went to the science center like 3 or 4 times, usually is the school want us to go der.. and I really like the science centre.. but I dun think others percieve it the same way as I do.. hey! the science centre is really a wonderous place... you can learn so much there and it is also a fun place to be at... seriously.. the science centre is NOT boring! =/ ..
I never watched a single movie this year... the last time I watched a movie was last year.. sianz.. I wanna watch some movies... one of them have captured my eye, Night at the Museum 2.. hahaz.. I did not manage to catch the first one.. cuz I was too busy studying and such and when my teacher played it at the library last year, I was so busy that I missed it... =( Haiz.. but it is okay.. I suppose.. I can just buy the disk.. anyway.. I hope that somebody will watch Night at the Museum 2 with me when it is released on 22nd May..
grace felt a little blue at 6:14 PM,-*Thursday, May 14, 2009*-
Hey its me.. I have got something impt to type on today but that can wait for later, cuz it is going to be the climax of my post..
I am so glad... so glad that monday we gotta go school... why?... lets just say I prefer spending time with my classmates.. I mean with my FRIENDS.. yes you dun have to rub your eyes wondering if you are seeing things... I mean it, I do treat them as friends.. but now the hardest part about it is to really think through some things...
FRIENDS - Having them means you are exposing yourself to hurt, unhappiness, betrayal, and so much more... but then again, having friends also means that you are allowing yourself to be happy.. okay.. perhaps I might still be trying to convince myself that.. but the most impt thing is that now, I have given myself a chance..
Hahaz.. although on thurs, I keep on saying that I wanna change my sci group, the truth is, I dun mean it.. I really like my team members.. I appreciate them and their uniqueness.. seriously.. I mean it.. everybody is unique right.. hahaz... but i know it is unadvoidable.. soon, we will all change teams.. but still, I hold some hope that most of my team members will stay with me in the same team.. the reason why i say most instead of all is because I know that nothing is perfect, you cannot have everything in this world.. so yah.. you get the picture..
On thurs, I will not say the reason and although you told me not to but still,
THANKS SO MUCH SAMUEL, PERHAPS YOU MIGHT NEVER UNDERSTAND IT BUT YOUR WORDS, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM IS REALLY REALLY MEANINGFUL TO ME... YOU REALLY GAVE ME HOPE.. THANK YOU, I WILL NEVER EVER FORGET WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HELP ME..
So now, for the climax.. as you all know, today I went to collect my report from the doctor... It was terrible, the suspense almost killed me... besides that I was not feeling too good today.. and sitting in a stuffy room waiting for the doctor to hand me my report did not help.. you know, I was really afraid to look at the report.. I did not wanna look at it, I wish that I can just throw it into the rubbish bin.. but if I did that then I will never know the result right... so yah... I looked at it already, and.. I... I am one of the luckest people in the world.. cuz the report said that my nerves were already strengthing to a point that it might be as strong as a normal's person nerve at the eye.. hahaha.. I dun know what to say.. I am like so happy.. so so happy that I cannot put my happiness down in words.. at first, I really wanted to find somebody to share my joy with me, but it is at that point when I felt so.. alone.. I felt like there is nobody in this world who truly cares about me... I felt so lost, so miserable, so lonely...
grace felt a little blue at 3:42 PM,-*Saturday, May 9, 2009*-
Hey... I was just using Google to check out why my face turns beet red when the weather is warm, they said that it is either I have fair skin or... something like the blood vessels very close to the face... sianz and no cure der... wonder why I let this thing bother me...
anyway, it is 1day and 1mth more to my bdae.. I am like so unprepared... I definately need help... I need someone to help me out with the planning. guest list, activity sheet and all that stuff... o.o For the chalet, I dun know if 2 days 1 night or 3 days 2 nights is better... suggestions anyone? and the guest list too... I definately need to start preparing now... oh yeah! I almost forgot, I need to check why the sky is blue... 0.0 ...... ROYGBIV Red light has a high refractive index compared to blue light... oh.. I get it!... Simple simple =) hahaz anyway, next week got mock UT - Understanding Test, sian sian... and nxt math lesson we will be changing teams... =/ I hope that I get Terence in my team again... hahaz cuz he is a genius in maths... lol so yah.. I gotta go to the doc tmr to check out my eye's nerve to see if stable anot... I really really really hope that tmr will be the last time I need to see Dr Cheng.. I have been his patient for like so many years.. hahaz but he ever told me that when I am older, about now my age, there is a 50/50 chance that my nerves may strengthen so that I will not have the danger of going blind ever again... Hope so bah... actually tmr I just gotta collect the report........ So afraid that I might see a result that I dread........ Wish me luck alright..
grace felt a little blue at 5:55 PM,-*Friday, May 8, 2009*-
sianz... tmr is my favourite subject science.. but why? why must HUI MIN be in my group?!... =( haiz.. she better work hard tmr.. or else.. or else I.. um.. when I have a idea then I will say it... but the most impt is, she better be serious.. cuz if she isn't, I will most definately not work with her.. stupid HUI MIN... -.- .. I like EVERYBODY in my class except for her.. hmph! >=(
-=-=-
Sianz I am sooo very busy... I just finished my density notes when Lijing told me that tmr for science, her fren told her it will be displacement.. So now i was thinking of preparing some notes on displacement... so why am I even here blogging?.. dun ask me I dun know too... so yeah.. displacement... =/ hmm.. i hope that it is not displacement... i really like density =) its fun.. hahaz and it is one of the phy topics that i am stronger at..
-=-=-
Yesterday i finally went to check my RP mail.. lol i got 400+ unread messages... lol and the oldest one is in March.. lol... so i scan through a few then like no mood to see it le so just deleted everything except for mails related to sas....
-=-=-
Yesterday or the day before yesterday, i saw one of my old friends... hahaz from yew tee pri de.. he really never changed at all... comparing primary school pics to now, his looks are all the same.. lol... but if he change his looks than i will not know its him.. lol .. he went to NYP.. the IT course... hmm IT.. to me, its sooo very sianz... lol...
-=-=-
Today, really quite a good day... cuz after school, i walked with Samuel for a short distance then Clement joined us.. den afterwards, Samuel went to wait for his friends and so Clement and I walked to the MRT station together... second time I dun need to walk alone.. =) I did not really communicate with Clement before.. but after talking and listening to him, I found out that he is a really nice person hahaz... You know, people often say that I am naive.. although I had a really bad childhood, I am still so naive... why? I dun understand either... hahaz.. the reason why I mentioned that I am naive is because to me, everybody is really good people... ( well except for HUI MIN ) Perhaps in my life, there are more good people compared to bad people.. but is that a bad thing? ..anyway, Clement and I parted at the station and I went to wait for the train right... den after waiting for a few minutes?.. Samuel and his friends also reached the MRT station.. hahaz.. so when taking the train, i was also not alone.. hahaz that is a good thing.. =) cuz i am always so lonely when walking alone and taking the train alone....... hahaz Samuel's friends are really nice people, hahaz one of them is really quiet, and the other one is really bubbly =).. they are really friendly.. hahaz.. I wonder what they think of me.. am I a good or bad person in their eyes..? ..
-=-=-
I am learning to fully trust people... cuz at some point of times, I really can doubt even the closest friends of mine... I know thats really bad.. so I am trying my best to change.. wish me luck kays =)
grace felt a little blue at 7:52 PM,-*Wednesday, May 6, 2009*-
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY NABILAH!!!
Stay happy always okay... =) anyways, this few days and weeks I have been posting very oftenly.. its either bcuz i am too bored or i have lots of things to say... anyway, my parents are sponsoring for the chalet.. yay =) hahaz.. I really wanna go Pasir Ris.. back to my home town... lol I rmb last time i stay super near to the chalet der.. hahaz.... but the place probably changed already.. since the last time i went was like 6-7 years ago... lol...
-=-=-
today i wasn't feeling very well... i got a really bad headache... it was like i am knocking my head on the wall kind of pain... luckily Arfah got panadol.. Thx so much for it =) At first, I was thinking of leaving the school earlier.. but then bcuz of the magical powers of panadol, lol i dun even know what i am typing.. but yeah although i was still under attack from the headache monsters, i felt really better so i decided not i go home earlier... seriously what am i typing... lol
-=-=-
yesterday i quarreled with my brother.. me and my second brother share a room... i know that people often say that guys and girls should sleep in seperate bedrooms but yeah my house is small alright.. so anyway yesterday i was already feeling a little unwell and i wanted to sleep earlier... but my brother did not want to.. cuz he wanted to play WOW - World of Warcraft.. seriously.. i should not have agreed to place the computer in our bedroom.. dotz... but he is really bad.. i am not saying that he should stop playing or anything like that... what i want him to do is just to go to my oldest brother bedroom to use his computer, cuz my oldest brother is not in singapore at the moment... and now, cuz my mum complained to my dad, my brother treats me like a enemy... i really dun know what to say to that...=/
-=-=-
Hui Min decided to show up for class again today...... seriously whats her problem... i mean how can she go or not go to school as she pleases... i really cannot understand her and i am not intending to anyway.... i feel that she is quite irresponsible.. well.. that ARE many different personalities of people in this world afterall....
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Yesterday, i found my f&n coursework A.. lol i spemd my whole night reading my research and decision making all over again... i really miss secondary school life.....
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.... dotz i cannot remember what i wanna type... lol x.x .. ehhs..... OH YEAH!! i remember le.. today my group only had 3 people... lol cuz one did not come to school and one left earlier cuz he was feeling not too good.. anyway, it was like kinda pathetic lol... but then today Terence really helped us out, ALOT.. lol =) During the presentation... at my slide, i really panicked cuz my notes disappeared... lol but still i have to remember some points.... phew... and today when doing the worksheet that time, cuz i was supposed to do qn 3, den i did it already right.. den i saved it to send it to Terence, cuz he is the scribe for today, but den when i re-opened it, all.. and i mean ALL my answers were gone.. stupid right.. den i had to rush out another set of answers.. den after that i saved again right and when i opened it again, all the answers gone again... and no, i did not click the wrong button.. seriously i think my microsoft word document dun like me... dotz...
look.. this is what i cooked for last yrs f&n practical.. lol
appetising?... lol if i nv rmb wrongly, i got 18 marks of it... hmm not bad right?...
grace felt a little blue at 5:47 PM,-*Tuesday, May 5, 2009*-
Hi =)... hmm i dun noe why but i feel as if my parents are like.. caring for me?.. okay people who read this should be thinking right now, 'Which parent/s on the earth will not care for their child' but in my case it is different.. you see, my parents I know that they do love me but then many many times, they dun care about me, about how I feel and everything that revolves over me.. ever since I got a good O'level result, I feel as if the way that they treat me is different, although it is not in a bad way but still, I dun like the attention that I am getting, now people must be thinking, 'Why shouldn't you be happy that your parents are showering concerns over you, you should be happy right..' WRONG, its totally wrong...... I feel very pressurized by their actions and trust me, I dun really handle pressure very well.. an example is, when i was taking my prelims, they gave me so much stress, my english teacher everyday also say that our class confirm go ITE blah blah blah and my class mentors are like putting so much pressure on me, asking me to go take tution.. I HATE TUTION.. no reasons why but everytime I get tution, my results instead of improving, gets worser.................... dotz... in the end, for my first and second prelims.. I failed, badly.. thats why everybody treated me like a hopeless case, my parents were like saying that if I fail, they will not allow me to continue studying anymore, its really pressurizing, but after they saw my prelim marks they were like........... nothing to say...... they just left me by myself......... and bcuz they stopped pressurizing me, my results improved, drastically... that time during CNY, I learnt that my cousin got 14 points for L1R4, which is real good but cuz he got tution, my aunt and uncle was like they suddenly treated me like a threat to their son......................... dotz.......... at first i thought that it is all over..... but now, my parents are putting even more pressure on me.. now even my aunts and uncles are putting pressure on me and my cousin... cuz my cousin studied express stream and now he in studying in temasak poly.. so 3 yrs later during CNY, they are definately going to compare my and my cousin's result........... I dun understand it......... why must they compare......... everybody is different, we dun work the same way as others....... so why..... haiz.... I guess this is a question that I will never have an answer for........
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alright.... tmr need to bring thermometer...... sianz.......... fortunately i already hunted it down... so dun have to worry bout it =).........
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for my bdae party thingy, my parents say they wanna help me book a chalet.. but it is at my old hometown Pasir Ris... personally, I will not mind going there but I need to consider about the others... for most of them, including myself, it is like taking the train from the west all the way to the east... pasir ris... both sweet and bitter memories are contained there... frankly, I dun even know if I have the courage to return back there, and lets just leave it at that.........
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lol super long post =) truth is I only wanted to post a few pictures of my dinner yesterday, but in the end... lol ... alright i am going to end the post with the pictures =)
My brother's lovely noodles...... lol i also ate a small bowl of it but believe me DUN TRY IT if you cherish your life ><
The Sauce used for the noodles... look at it, so thick and black... reminds me of tar......
Another lovely picture of the sauce nice huh =P
My dinner, bread with margarine and a burger meat with a mayo smiley face =)
grace felt a little blue at 11:42 AM,-*Sunday, May 3, 2009*-
hi =) ... I think i have caught the flu bug or something like that.. my throat is so sore that it even hurts to drink water, and my voice is like all weird sounding... and my head really hurts.. fortunately today is a public holiday, if not i am sure that i have to miss a day of lessons and that is not really good.. so yah yesterday, Bike and I went to look through the IG stations cuz it was the last day so we just went to see if there is any thing that we like, but in the end, we ended up not joining any, cuz none of them really caught our interest... sianz on monday we gotta bring thermometer to take our temperature cuz of the swine flu.. so sianz.... so yah i am going to end this post cuz my head really really hurts... grace felt a little blue at 10:00 AM,
-*Friday, May 1, 2009*-
My Story..
grace09June1991
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